Confessions of a Control Freak.

It’s not easy being a control freak when everything is completely, absolutely, 100% out of control.

This morning I applied to the job that I’ve wanted ever since I entered my first year as a nutrition student.  I’m hungry for it.  I’m ready to work and learn and grow, and I only wish I knew exactly how to emphasize this on a cover letter and resume without sounding like I’m ridiculously desperate. 😉

The biggest problem?

I fall slightly short of the qualifications, and I can’t help but sit here and feel antsy, knowing that right now someone is analyzing my resume.  I can just picture it.  One hand on my resume, the other hovering over the paper shredder.  Exhaustively weeding through endless numbers of applications.

You may have noticed the obvious…

…I have absolutely no control over this situation.

It’s making me crazy.

Have you ever wished you could create your own path?  Make everything work out exactly how you want it?  The guy of your dreams would fall head over heels in love with you.  You’d spend your summer in Paris (when you weren’t perusing around Italy.)  You’d land your dream job.

Have you ever wished you could create your own path?

Yeah.  Me too.

It’s in my (control freakish) nature to want to hold on to things tightly, with a clenched, white knuckled fist.

Everything must be just so.  

But then I’m reminded of this simple phrase: Let Go, Let God.  It doesn’t matter how tightly I hold on to everything or how hard I wish it to be.  It doesn’t matter that I want everything to be perfect (and yet, inevitably, it isn’t.)

What matters is that God is in control.  What matters is that He knows way beyond what my simple mind can comprehend.  What matters is that He always knows the best route and that if I just let go, release my death grip and open up my hands, He’ll take over.

I may still be antsy and uncomfortable (I really, really, really want this job!) but (*sigh*…yes…okay) I’m willing to let go.

Let go.  Let God.

Besides.  I never really was the one in control in the first place. 😉

QUESTION: Do you like to always feel in control or are you really relaxed ?

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16 comments on “Confessions of a Control Freak.

  1. sugarkelita says:

    If you could control everything (and trust me, I WANT TO), where’s the fun of life? (:

  2. Alison says:

    I’ve gotten better at letting go of the unknown as I’ve gotten older. I’ve come to adopt the yogic philosophy, “everything in the universe is as it should be”. Another version of “everything happens for a reason” really, but it’s helped me relax and learn to just roll with the tides as the ebb and flow.

    If this job is to be it will be!

  3. Alison says:

    but ummm, P.S., if you want this job, don’t let go TOO much. GO after it and SEE YOURSELF in this position! Don’t visualize them shredding your resume, spend your energy picturing yourself with an offer letter in your hand and what you’ll wear on your first day!! If you want this job, believe you’ve already got it! And THEN let go.

    • Sarah says:

      Yes, excellent points. I’ll still be fighting for the job, of course. Especially if they were to call for an interview…I’ll suddenly turn into my mental image of super woman. Without the tights. 😉

  4. Good luck with the job! I feel for you, I really do. I applied to my dream school last year, and when I didn’t get in, I was crushed. I didn’t see how that could possibly be for the best. But I realize God really is looking out after us, and He has a plan. I just need to accept I may not know what’s best.

    Easier said then done, right? Sorry to sound all preachy, I just REALLY love this post. 😉

    • Sarah says:

      Love your thoughts!

      Not getting our dream school/job/etc. can be sorely disappointing, but how we react to these circumstances determines our character. Keep up your positive attitude! 😀

  5. Nicole says:

    I always want to be in control!! But sadly, I rarely am. 😉 Will be praying that you get the perfect job for you!!!! 🙂

  6. erraffety says:

    I appreciate all the great comments, have really been enjoying your blog, and let me say, I, too, struggle with wanting to be in control, and internalizing the same lessons (I have to learn over and over again!) about the luxury of security, the beauty of uncertainty, and the awesomeness of living a truly challenging life! I pray that you find peace in your anxiety, that you seek no further than God and God’s presence, and there you feel all the certainty you are in need of. And of course, I know- easier said than done, and when it’s not easy, know that we all struggle, but thanks for writing about yours, certainly makes it more bearable for the rest of us!

  7. Kaci says:

    I’m a control-freak, for lack of a better term, & a perfectionist. Yeah it’s a tough life. lol Good luck girlie! Your path will unfold as it should I’m sure. 🙂

  8. I’m not sure I agree that there is nothing you can do in this situation. Yes, you put in your resume, but it doesn’t have to end there. If you have a contact at the company you applied to, you should call them. If not, find one (google, linkedin, phonebook, whatever) and call them.
    Let them know that you applied and tell them how serious you are about the job. Even if you don’t get the job I guarantee they’ll keep you in mind for the next time around. That’s how I landed my first full time job.

    • Sarah says:

      Thanks, Samantha, for the very helpful pointers and tips. You’re right. Knowing someone and getting in touch with them is everything.

      I do have somewhat of a contact. I don’t know this person formally, but I’ve met her a few times. Enough to feel that I can get in touch with her about jobs, anyways. I sent her an email a while back to let me know of any openings, and that’s why I’m applying to this one. Keeping my fingers crossed that they can overlook where I fall short in qualifications and see instead my enthusiasm and what it is that I have to offer.

      Thanks again! 😀

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